


Enlightenment

by Caro (thestarsexist)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Cave Fic, Community: undermistletoe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-06
Updated: 2005-12-06
Packaged: 2017-10-15 01:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/155766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarsexist/pseuds/Caro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The caves were nice as far as caves went...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enlightenment

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Undermistletoe 2005. Day 5: Cliche Days- Cave Fic (cave-in, hell, they're just in a cave)  
> Thanks to Celli, Scrunchy, and Nifra!

"There's a ritual," the Tribeswoman said. She seemed to be the leader of the Council of Elders among the Yaori, though honestly, John couldn't tell any of them apart. They all sorta looked like alien Oompah-Loompahs but without the weird white overalls. The Oompah-Loompahs were barring the way to the ruins that were giving Rodney weird power readings. John was trying to be patient, open minded, and silent so that he didnt accidentally break into song.

"A ritual. Of course there is." Rodney muttered under his breath. John tried to keep from cracking a smile, and gave Rodney his best _We should be respectful of the ways of other cultures_ glare that Elizabeth had taught him.

"It will not harm you."

Rodney snorted beside him, clearly not cowed in the least by John's glare. *No one* was ever cowed by John's glare.

"That's what they *always* say. Next thing you know, people shooting at us, running to the puddle jumper. Never fails."

The saddest part, John thought, was that Rodney wasn't exaggerating all that much.

"Rodney, how about we find out what exactly the ritual entails before we start sprinting?"

"Fine. Fine. Whatever you want."

As it turned out, the ritual wasn't all that bad. Or at least a lot better than anything that asked of them on other planets. The Yaori Elders believed that before sitting down for a negotiations with a new trading partner, that the leader of the trading party should go through a period of meditation and what they referred to ask "seeking enlightenment".

"Enlightenment. More like solitary confinement." Rodney groused.

John wasn't sure why Rodney was so irritable. It wasn't even like *he* had to meditate.

"The Yaori did not indicate that this was meant to be a punishment, Dr. McKay." Teyla pointed out.

"Oh come on, five days in a dank cave with nothing that to do. That falls under the definition of cruel and unusual punishment."

"It's not *that* bad, McKay."

"You're such a Pollyanna." Rodney shook his head.

"I don't know, Rodney. Five days of peace and quiet sounds heavenly right about *now.*"

Rodney glared, then pursed his lips together, and sniffed. "Fine. But when you lose your mind, Colonel, don't think I'll care."

John nodded. "That's something I'll just have to live with."

***

The first few hours weren't bad.

The caves were as nice as far as caves went-- and how sad was it that John now had enough experience with underground caverns to form a somewhat educated opinion on the matterand the Yaori weren't mistreating him in any way.

There was a meal brought by mid-afternoon, some kind of bean soup. He was not supposed to starve, but apparently hunger added to the whole enlightenment experience, as this was to be his only meal of the day. And there were opportunities to get clean. So, it wasn't like the worst thing he'd ever had to endure.

It was just so...boring.

The thing was, John wasn't a reflective sort of guy. Someone else, someone like Teyla, or even Elizabeth, might have enjoyed the time, taken it in the spirit that it was meant. But John liked to move. He thought on his feet, and he preferred not having the time to think himself out of tough decisions. All this time by himself, with nothing to do, wasn't a vacation, or a respite, or a gift to him. It *was* _cruel and unusual punishment_ , he thought, just like Rodney had said.

But if anyone would hate this more than John, it was Rodney. The man was incapable of sitting still for a minute, always buzzing with ideas.

He glanced at this watch. It was late. His team was probably turning in for the night. John wished he could have word of them. It was the part he was the least comfortable with. He was cut off from the world in here, and wouldn't know if any situation arose with any of them. As it *so* often did.

Oh God, he did make the need to constantly keep an on McKay properly clear to Ronon, didn't he?

Worrying wasn't helping. He knew that. He knew that he should try to sleep, but a day of doing absolutely nothing had left him restless, and weirdly wired. Still, he tried to lie down, close his eyes andsomeone was coming into the cave.

John sat up quickly, cocking his head in the direction that the sound was coming from. He tried to find something with which to defend himself, his weapons having been confiscated when he entered the cave, and he wondered for the first time if he should worry that this was some sort of trap. Leave the nave trader defenseless so that you could feed him to the space bear that lived in the cave.

Maybe the whole seeking enlightenment thing was just code for 'becoming a tasty snack.'

"I'm not very tasty," he called out. "All bones. Trust me."

"Wow. It didn't take you very long to crack at all." A familiar voice said from behind a large beam of light.

"Mckay."

"Who else?" Rodney lowered the flashlight on his P-90, and walked towards John. "Get a lot of other visitors?"

"I was under the impression that I wasn't allowed any visitors at all."

"About that," Rodney started as he wandered about the cave, looking for something that John couldn't figure out, "I was just walking by and noticed that your cave wasn't guarded."

"Just walking by, huh?"

"Yep. A little stroll before bedtime."

"Uh _huh_. Wait. They're not guarded?"

"Nope. No ritual guards or anything. It was a little surprising."

"I guess we're on the honor system." John said.

Rodney gave him a look. "The honor system is for suckers," he declared, dropping down to sit beside John on the pallet.

John rolled his eyes, and settled back down on the animal furs.

"What exactly are you doing down here, McKay?"

"What? I'm not allowed to check up on my team leader when he's handed himself over to some crazy natives idea of a ritual. For all I know, they were trying to teach you how to live like the Oompah Loompahs do."

John laughed. "You noticed that, too?"

" _Please_. They were just missing the little overalls."

"That's what I kept thinking!"

"Anyway," Rodney glanced about the cavern once more, "this place doesn't look all that bad. A little sparsely decorated but structurally, it at least looks sound. Are they feeding you?"

John grinned, feeling oddly warmed. "You were worried."

"Of course, I was worried. You don't always show the best judgment."

"Hey!" John frowned, thought about getting offended, but then decided it wasn't worth the energy.

"Listen, McKay, I appreciate the thought. But you really shouldn't have come. If the Yaoriians? Yaorites? Anyway, if they find out about this and they get offended, then we won't get to explore the ruins, and you won't get to do your whole Quest for the Holy Grail thing, so let's play this safe."

Rodney looked disappointed for a second, and John felt bad. He wanted to take it back, because God, someone to talk to would be awesome right about now, but he also really didn't want to have to screw a perfectly simple mission because he was bored.

Rodney must have accepted this because he got up, just as quickly as he had sat down, and nodded in agreement, and said, "Right, Colonel. Safe it is."

"Wait. Rodney." John called right as Rodney turned around to leave.

"Yes?" Rodney asked, somewhat impatiently.

"Just checking. The team? They're okay right."

"Yes, yes, Colonel. We're all surviving just fine without you."

"Good." John grinned and Rodney smiled back at him.

"Take care of yourself, Colonel," he said, briefly patting John on the arm before leaving.

John stared at Rodney's retreating back as it disappeared into the night, and then glanced about his cavern.

"One day down. Four to go. How bad could it be?" he said to himself.

***

Forty hours into his isolation, John was climbing the walls. Literally.

There were some natural nooks and crannies in the cave wall, and John was using them as finger-holds, climbing up and down in an effort to exhaust himself enough to sleep.

It was even worse than the day before. He'd tossed and turned all of last night, and woken up today in a foul mood. He'd tried desperately to make conversation with the villager who'd brought him his noon meal, but she'd left his soup bowl by the entrance and walked out without uttering a word. The silence was getting on his last nerve.

He screamed in frustration and let himself drop down from one of the walls, landing on both his feet. He stretched his arms and froze when he heard the "Colonel, are you insane?" behind him.

They were the sweetest words he'd ever heard.

"McKay." He tried to make his tone disapproving, he really did. After all, hadn't he told Rodney not to come back? But he was so ridiculously happy to see Rodney that he couldn't adequately do the displeased-at-having-my-orders-ignored face, and clearly Rodney could tell, because he just wandered into the cave like he was expected and said, "Seriously Colonel. What are you thinking? Rock climbing alone! In a cave that you don't even know is structurally sound..."

"You just said it was structurally sound yesterday."

"What am I? A geologist?" Rodney waved his hand. "Regardless, you shouldn't be doing this alone. You don't have a harness or anything. No one's even going to be around to check up on you for hours."

" _You're_ around."

"Yeah. Well. That's not the point."

"So, not guarded again, huh?" John remarked, wiping himself off with his t-shirt.

"Nope. Clearly, they're just trusting you on this."

"Glad we're not taking advantage of that trust or anything," John said pointedly.

Rodney shrugged. "Well, clearly, it's a good thing that I stopped by, or you would be lying here with a broken neck."

"Good thing I have you to look out for me then."

"Good thing."

John smiled. There was something endearing about Rodney's concern for him, especially considering that as far as missions went, this was one of the safest they'd ever had. But Rodney, who came across as completely self-absorbed to most people, was still looking out for him. It was almostsweet.

Wow, was that ever a word he didn't think he would use in conjunction with Rodney McKay.

"What?" Rodney asked, suspiciously.

"What?" John echoed, confused.

"You're smiling."

"Maybe I'm just happy to see you."

Rodney narrowed his eyes at him, like he wasn't certain that John wasn't making fun of him, but must have decided to accept it at face value. He dropped down to the pallet, stretched, and leaned against the wall, and then glared at John until John sat down next to him.

"So, what have you been up to?" Rodney asked.

"Oh you know," John said nonchalantly, "a little of this, a little of that."

"You're bored out of your mind."

"God, yes."

Rodney laughed, a sound that just made John grin wider. It was amazing. He hadn't even been separated from his team for all that long, and already he missed them talking to his friends, laughing with them.

Before Atlantis, he'd gotten used to being on his own. And now he'd gotten used to having a team. And not just during a mission.

"I guess enlightenment's not working out all that well for you."

"Maybe I'm already all enlightened to begin with."

"Ha!" Rodney snorted in disbelief.

"Hey! I'm a lot more enlightened that you are."

"In your dreams, Colonel," Rodney said smugly.

"Don't know about your dreams, McKay. But mine generally are a lot more interesting than *that*." John said, smirking.

Rodney rolled his eyes, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'flyboy' under his breath, and really, that shouldn't have pleased John as much as it did. He leaned back on his pallet, tucking his arms under his head, and closed his eyes, feeling calmer than he had all day.

After a minute, he felt Rodney kick his foot, and opened his eyes to look at Rodney.

"So, do you want me to stay for a little bit?" Rodney asked.

"I really do," John replied.

***

"So, how do you think they come up with five as the magic number?" Rodney asked, completely out of the blue. Night three, Rodney growing concerned with John's boredom had brought his laptop, and revealed to John theatrically the password to the file where he hid Tetris.

John, busy making lines and trying to defeat Rodney's score though Rodney swore he never ever would, did not even grumble once about the fact that McKay had previously sworn on every mission that his laptop was much too important to waste space for games.

"Don't know," John said, and aha, there was that straight line that he needed.

"I mean, what if someone reaches enlightenment on say, day two. Are they just supposed to stick around bored for three more days? Or what if you're just on the cusp on day five, and boom, they yank you out."

"I think it's more of a process than that, Rodney."

"How would you know? You're hardly achieving enlightenment here."

"I could be," John protested. "In fact, if you would shut up and let me concentrate on my game, I could be well on the way to becoming the Buddha."

"The Buddha would have a much better Tetris score," Rodney said, mocking as John's puzzle ended at level fifteen.

"It's been a while," John said defensively. Rodney gave him the _whatever_ face, and John started a new game.

"I had a girlfriend once," Rodney began, a little while later.

"Congratulations," John muttered, and thought, 'yay, level twenty.'

Rodney kicked him. "What I was saying is that I had this girlfriend, freshman year of college. Smart girl, but she was into all that New Age crap and she was constantly talking about spiritual enlightenment."

"I'm not picturing you with a hippie."

Rodney shrugged. "She was pretty. Blonde. Make love, not war," he added, waggling his eyebrows and making John laugh. "Anyway, she was constantly talking about how the path to enlightenment was to give up all desire. And I just didn't get that. I mean, how do you stop wanting things?"

"You don't."

"Right. I mean, even when it makes more sense not to want something, you can't help but wanting it."

John looked up at Rodney and frowned. He had an expression on his face that John couldn't figure out.

"Sometimes you do," John said. "Sometimes you get what you want."

Rodney raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." John nodded. "I never wanted anything as much as I wanted to fly."

"And you have that."

"Yeah. And you, I bet you wanted to be the smartest man in two galaxies."

Rodney laughed. "Actually, when I was young, I wanted to be a pianist."

"Really? I didn't even know you played."

"I don't. Anymore." Rodney said wistfully. "But I used to dream about growing up and doing something that would amaze everyone."

"Yeah, see," John said, smiling. "You have that."

"Yeah," Rodney said softly, ducking his head to cover his grin. "I guess I do."

***

Rodney was late on night four. John paced the cavern back and forth for an hour, his mind racing. It could be that Rodney was just late, or maybe he'd even decided not to come tonight. It would make sense. After all, it wasnt like he'd promised John that he'd show up every night, and they'd stayed up late last night. John hadn't come anywhere close to beating Rodney's Tetris score, but he'd had fun trying. And Rodney hadn't seemed like he wanted to leave.

So it made perfect sense that Rodney just decided to bow out tonight. John only wished that he knew that for certain. He had no clue what was going on outside the cave walls, and while Rodney kept him apprised of everything during his visits, it wasn't the same as being there. Especially when Rodney was late, and John had no clue what might have happened, and his head kept flashing to horrific scenarios of injury, or hostile natives or, God, *Wraith.*

Okay, fifteen more minutes, John thought. Fifteen more minutes and then I don't give a fuck about any ritual or any Ancient ruins; I'm going to go find Rodney.

When Rodney did show up, twelve minutes later, looking exhausted and dirty, but not injured, John was convinced it was the most beautiful sight in the world.

"Sorry, I'm late," Rodney said, collapsing to the pallet. "Was a long day."

"What happened?" John asked, trying to ignore the crack in his voice.

"Oh. This and that." Rodney waved his hands in the air. "They was some trouble back on Atlantis. Nothing major. Well it could have been, but Zelenka and I talked through it on the radio. It was just tense there for while."

"But everyone's okay now, right?"

"Everyone's fine, Colonel," Rodney said, lying back on the pallet, closing his eyes.

"Good."

There was a few moments of comfortable silence, until John realized that Rodney *had* actually fallen asleep. John smiled, and laid down next to Rodney, listening to him breathe and feeling strangely content.

***

They woke up entangled the next morning, and there was a couple of minutes of awkwardness, until Rodney apologized and said, "I'm sorry for being such bad company last night," and John said, "you really weren't" and Rodney blushed, and John kept grinning long after Rodney had left the cave.

Around noon on the fifth day, one of the tribeswoman he recognized as belonging to the Council of Elders brought his meal, which was unexpected.

"Hi," he said lamely. "Wasn't expecting anyone to come just yet."

She nodded. "Your guests have been few," she said cryptically, in that way that make sweat trickle down John's back because any minute now he was sure she was going to call him on the fact that he hadn't spent his Enlightenment alone at all.

"Yeah. Not so much a party."

But she didn't say anything about Rodney, just kept smiling enigmatically, and asked, "Colonel Sheppard, did you find that you learned anything in your time here?"

He wanted to lie. He wanted to toss out some big truth he supposedly discovered, but he looked into her eyes and found himself telling the truth. "I'm sorry. I think your ritual was wasted on me. I haven't really discovered anything I didn't know about myself before."

She smiled again, and really it wasn't enigmatic as much as just plain old creepy. "Sometimes, Colonel Sheppard, the biggest truths are lying hidden right in front of our face."

And really that didn't make any sense, but he wasn't going to tell her so. He nodded politely, and then she made tut-tut noises at his food, so he ate until she appeared satisfied, and left.

It wasn't until much later, when Rodney's telling John about what exactly what he hoped to find in the ruins, that John finally got it.

He looked up at Rodney, and thought, _Oh_.

And then he leaned forward, and brushed his lips against Rodney's, and Rodney stopped mid-narrative, and stared at John, and said, "What was that?"

"Enlightenment," John replied, and felt Rodney's grin against his lips.

"About damn time."

(The End)

  



End file.
